Wounded But Not Dead

My father served on a destroyer in World War II. I grew up learning that if he had been on watch 15 minutes longer I would not have been born. A Kamikaze plane hit his ship and killed 34 men and wounded about as many. My dad was put on funeral duty and many times told me about the process of putting his fellow shipmates to rest in the ocean. He was physically alive but wounded for his whole life. He, like so many who served in that war, had undiagnosed PTSD. He attempted to medicate with alcohol and became an alcoholic.

His untreated trauma impacted me and my whole family. We were fortunate that my father was a “functional alcoholic”, he had a steady job and a deep faith. But his rage and emotional turmoil was always just below the surface. Too often it came out when he drank in an attempt to celebrate a holiday or family milestone. While others were experiencing joy we were sad, confused and embarrassed.

It took a long time for me to forgive my father for the ongoing impact he had on me. I am grateful that a former pastor was able to help me see my father in a different light. I realized that my dad was doing the best he could and despite his flaws, I learned a lot from him about faith and persisting in the face of significant personal challenges.

I know now that my father’s unfortunate experience and its impact on me in part caused me to create HeyPeers.com. I strongly believe that as we bring people together in peer support groups, especially on this Veteran’s Day, we can help each other toward a better tomorrow.